Post #10: thoughts

from the last post, lots of things have happened. not just in "my world" but in our world. riots, death, famine, extinctions, schools. i really wanna talk about those problems, but i need a little time to rant on my own. so here it goes:

have you ever felt like you were being"controlled"? by anything: parents, teachers, cell phone, robots that crept into your head in the middle of the night. we all have our little things to "get away" from the controls.some have music, others have reading or writing. some have drugs or alcohol, or cutting and starving themselves. everyday, i go onto six billion secrets and i just read over all these things people have in their lives. the sadness and hopelessness of the people.

my dad always says, "hope isn't an option." well, dad, sometimes hope is all someone has. they may be homeless, hungry and uneducated. they need hope in their lives. then there are people who are living good lives, they have money and they have friends. but even people like this can feel lonely, empty and "unloved". they need hope too.

my problem is that one of my friends has decided that they feel like they must live their lives as a male. and honestly, im totally fine with that. im surprised in not weirded out or sickened by it. i actually like the thought of it! then there's this person i like. why is it that im the only one who wont see that they will like me back? for crying out loud, even my mother sees that they wont like me back! stubborn, am i?

anywho, i think thats enough ranting for one day... adios non existent readers

Post #9: exams

finally! after a full week of hell, stress, and misery, exams are over! some people still have one more, but me? noooo, im done till next semester! oh happy day! also, today is my dads birthday! hes as old as the super bowl! (thats football) and a new semester starts. that means new classes, new season, and new people moving in. ive made new friends and lost a couple. the army will do that to you.

as of right now, im celebrating with cake and manga *w* gotta love it.

there isnt that much to tlk about. this weekend will be more since its a three day weekend and the dance is on saturday. i have to go dry my hair now so....eyah. good night world :)

Post #8: tv shows

we watch these tv shows and get so hooked on them: private practice, desperate housewives, american idol, lost. any of them become part of our lives. for me, i have Bones and currently Greys Anatomy. misa is addicted to Dr. Who (mmmm, Matt Smith :] ) my mom and i got into the mentalist for a bit, but it doesnt have the drama that we love.

when we get attached to a tv show, it shows the affectionate side of ourselves that wont be shown out in public. we have sympathy for the characters if they die and can sometimes relate to their problems. we become so attached that we actually start to act like them.

but its okay. everyone need adictions in their lives (as long as they are leagal and not bad for you >..>) if you have a tv show, keep it till the end :)

                         thanks my non-existant readers! adios

Post #7: music

as im sitting here thinking of something to write about, i think of music, there are many types of music: classical, grunge, hard rock, classic rock, alternative, trance, hip hop. i like any kind of music for different types of moods.

classical: perfect for when doing homework. it makes me feel more calm and smart, haha.
grunge: there is music for types of feelings. this kind helps with anger. the head banging, the whip lash, the rush when the next song comes on. perfect for anger.
trance: when you are in a blah mood, this is perfect. lay back on your bed, speakers next to your ears, eyes closed, shades shut, door locked. no one can enter into your cave of calmness. just you and nothing else.
hip hop: when im getting dressed for school or a hot date (LIES!) i turn on music. i listen to the radio, and occasionaly a songwill come on that will make me tap my foot. that beat travels up my leg and into my ass. i shake my ass and hop around. i eventually twirl my pants (still trying to put them on) in the air above my head. i lip sync to the music! then i realize that my window is open and the attractive neighbor will be watching me dance around in my superman panties T_T

what im saying is...find music that suits every need ofyour life. happy, sad, angry, or just plain awesome. and if your suicidal, dont kill yourself. i like you the way you are ;)

Post #6: night time

during the night, i feel secure. i know as kids we get in our head that there are monsters under the bed or the boogey man im the closet. still to this day i still kind of jump into my bed to prevent the "monsters" from pulling me under. now i think those monsters are metaphores of what go on in our lives: drama, stress, peer pressure. all those things try to pull you under and take control.

at night, i feel tired. i know your supposed to feel tired at night; its when you go to bed. i mean tired of the day that happend. too much class work or taking so many tests, friends wanting something then getting mad the next. at night, we can just set our heads on our pillows, close our eyes, and clear our minds of the days evens to fill the next day with even more.

one of these days, i will write a real entry. fro mthe heart, i promise. i dont even know if anyone is reading this!! oh well....one day...

Post #5: people

there are many types of people in our lives: the ones we love, the ones we hate, the ones we have a crush on, the ones we wish liked us, and then theres the ones who will never leave your life. i have at leat 20 of every single category (except hate. not many of those)

the ones we love: currently, there has been one special person in my life. im glad hes in it and i hope to god that he will never leave :) ive known him since i think seventh grade and he was my first love. we still text eachother, but hope to see him again soon

the ones we hate: theres this one chick whome i surely despise, but choose notto show it. shes clingy, stingy, too weird, and everything you dont like in a person. mom always said "hate is a strong word" but i think its acceptable to use it in this situation.

the ones we have a crush on: im not going into deatail about this person. i will say that they know i have a crush on them :)

the ones we wish would like us: these people can be the "popular kids", the teachers to give us a good grade, or even the guy/girl you like. perfectly normal...

the ones who will never leave you life: i have many, many, many peoplelike this: family, friends, stalker, and even stuffed animals. i just cant pick and choose, so i must have them all to cherish and love :)

keep life the wayt it is. dont try and dramatically change it, not woth it.

Post #4: bad stuff

so the very end of school was terrible. heres how the end went:

i was in yearbook class when i realized when my friend gets out of it at the end of 1st semester, then that means i have to do all the work and pictures that she didnt do. then i noticed i left my jacket in the library or some place like that. i left class earlyto go get it AND THE FIRE ALARM GOES OFF! so i either have to miss my bus and get my jacket or go home without one and freeze my ass off in the cold. me being a lazy butt i chose freezing my ass off.

im just waiting to talk to my "man" again tonight. even though we have a 6 hour difference, its no biggie. thats waht the internetz is for, right? four day week this week, so it will go by fast. i have to buy my winter formal ticket tomorrow!!!

adiós a mis lectores no existe! :)

Post #3: remembering people

so theres thisone person that i thought i had lost forever. Lets call him Hat. Hat was actually my first "love". being in 7th grade you cant really count that a love. anywho, i fell HARD for him. we walked, we talked, we held hands. he told me he loved me, too.  But i never got to kiss him...

he moved to georgia the summer of i dont remember, but i do know that i missed him sooo bad that i got into this thing called depression. it over took me. the following summer i moved too. i couldnt stop thinking about Hat...every timei dated someone, i just thought, "youre not Hat."

just recently i tried texting him...and he responded!!! i almost cried i was so happy! we still text now, and im so glad hes back in my life!!!
lesson learned today? remember the good things and block the bad.

Post #2: birthdays

so today is my 16th birthday. my mom keeps going on about how old i am and how little i used to be. i mean, I'm not that old, am i? we stayed up until about 130 am to celebrate mine, and two of my friends birthdays all at the same time. Ellie and Ami I've known for about ten years. it feels like yesterday that Ami was running around naked, learning how to walk and Ellie was getting fussy over what barbie to play with. it feels cool to say, "i remember when you were born!" make me feel old and crinkly :P.

last year, no one really remembered my birthday. this year, I'm just waiting to open facebook and be flooded with salutations and felicitation. being 16 now means i can drive, drink legally (here in Germany) and now my parents will expect more out of me (dammit!!). for now, i think ill settle with soaking in the praise and try to get a piercing.

shopping time!

adios amigos

Post #1: School

So the new year started and ive been seeing the same thing over and over: relationships bloom and wither. One friend just kinda messed up with a guy but its okay, she'll be okay. Shes one of the strongest short people i know :). Then theres another friend who just got their date cancelled due to "sickness". whats up with this?

back then, people showed their affection by actually telling eachother and taking them to a sock hop. now-a-days its all about facebook, texting, and tumblr. sometimes i wish that we could be honest with eachother. i know myself that ive done the "confession via online." im much too afraid to do it in person: no self confidence :P.

then theres the people who break up and get back together. two of my good friends just started dating, but wont involve anyone in it. at first, it sounded silly becasue highscool is all about getting into other peoples buisness, haha. then i thought, "smart move." keep to yourself, and if you break up, no one will be able to take serious sides. kinda like a very smooth divorce.

so thats it for my first blog entry. very girl like, aint it? oh well...ill do better maybe tomorrow.

merry chirtsmas to all and to all a good night! (kinda late, my bad :))